


Dark Paradise

by teenagedirtbag



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, In a way, M/M, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, idek, zarry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 13:12:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teenagedirtbag/pseuds/teenagedirtbag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn has died and Harry feels like he is dying with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> I'd just like to say that this one shot I wrote it a while back so it's not very good.  
> It's based on Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey.  
> I strongly suggest for you to listen to the song because it's fucking awesome and stuff.  
> I really like it.  
> Well I hope you like this(I don't like it but oh well).

~All my friends tell me I should move on~

 

"It's been five months Harry! Five! Normally, considering your circumstances, I would let it slide...but I am just witnessing you throw away your whole life, and I won't do it anymore!" Louis yelled, his blue eyes wild.  
He looked down at Harry, who was laying numbly on the bed looking at Louis as though he had killed his puppy and then had brought the remaining bits of him on a plastic bag.  
Louis' face softened at once at least a bit, he sat down at the edge of Harry's bed placing his hand gently to touch the younger lad's leg.  
"We all miss him...we do, but-" by this point Louis' voice was so small it could nearly go unnoticed.  
Harry just stared blankly at him. "But what?! But I have to move on, right? That's what you were going to say- that's what they all say!"  
"Harry I didn't-"  
"Well I can't, and I am sorry if it's just hard for me to forget him but I just can't alright!?" Harry shouted, his cheeks flushed, angry tears sliding down his cheeks.

 

~And there's no remedy for memory your face is like a melody, it won't leave my head~

 

"Harry?" Zayn's voice came like an echo on the empty building.  
Harry hummed in response looking up from his lap eyeing the shorter boy with suspicion.  
"How much do you love me?" Zayn asked, sitting on Harry's lap, with a playful smirk.  
"Um...I don't know. How much do YOU love me?" Harry replied back kissing the tip of Zayn's nose.  
Zayn blushed, "As much as I love being in One Direction."  
"That's not very much. Not enough." Harry pouted.  
"You are right...I love you as much as you love getting shitty tattoos at some random tattoo parlor in Los Angeles." Zayn mocked, biting his lip.  
Harry laughed, "Well then, I love you more."

 

~Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine but I wish I was dead~

 

Harry could nearly hear Zayn's raspy voice telling him to put the razor blade down, that it wasn't worth it.  
'Everything's fine, Harry. Don't. It'll be okay.'  
"How can everything be fine when you are not here with me!" Harry yelled back at the darkness and emptiness of the cheap hotel room.  
He held back a sob as he threw the razor blade to the floor and brought his knees closer to his chest.  
"Nothing's fine...nothing will ever be."

 

~All my friends ask me why I stay strong... tell 'em when you find true love it lives on ahhh, that's why I stay here~

 

"Why do you do it?" Liam asked as he stared down at Harry with a worried expression. They were outside the studio, ready for a short interview to talk about how they're dealing with their 'loss'...really, the idea of the whole thing made Harry want to stab himself repeatedly with a fork.  
"What are you talking about?" Harry asked, quietly.  
"Why haven't you left the band? I-...I don't understand how you can be so strong." Liam finally said, biting his bottom lip.  
Harry chuckled sadly, "You wouldn't really get it."  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Liam asked.  
Harry sighed, "Look, Liam...just drop it, yeah?"  
Harry stood up from the floor, tossing his hair with his usual hair flip before giving Liam a look.  
"Don't stay out here too long, kay?"  
Then he went inside.  
He was tired of the little pity parties that were being thrown at him. Zayn wasn't gone- not really...he was still there, somewhere.

 

~There's no relief, I see you in my sleep and everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me~

 

"Harry?"  
It was Niall's turn, it seemed.  
"Yeah?" Harry mumbled, sleepily.  
"When are you moving on...really?" Niall asked biting the inside of his cheeks.  
"What are you going on about Niall?" Harry grumbled angrily.  
"It's been nearly a year and you haven't even bother going to the graveyard, for you know closure. You haven't seen anyone. Is like you are the living dead. I know this is very hard but you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Think about what Zayn would've want you to do." Niall said softly, "I know is not my place to tell you this, but is what everyone's thinking they just don't have the balls to be honest with you."  
Niall took a deep breath," Zayn wouldn't have wanted you to die with him."  
Harry felt his mouth open just a bit, how dare he tell him what to do? Or what Zayn would've wanted? He didn't know anything!  
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Harry spat out, looking at Niall coldly.  
"But I do...Zayn wasn't just your boyfriend Harry! He was my best friend too!" Niall yelled standing up and storming off. Later that night Niall had called to apologize...Harry ignored him.

 

~There's no release, I feel you in my dreams telling me I'm fine~

 

In Harry's dream Zayn was standing in front of him, wearing chinos and that one blue shirt that Harry always thought looked so good on him.  
Zayn smiled as bright as he had smiled that one day Harry told him he liked him.  
"You're okay, Harry...don't listen to what they say, you are fine." Zayn whispered sweetly, and when Harry reached to touch him...he was gone.

 

~Everytime I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise...no one compares to you I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side~

 

Harry thought it was kind of dumb that Simon had suggested sleeping pills, and antidepressants.  
If he needed them it was for a reason, right? Like for the fact that he was depressed and had thoughts...thoughts he shouldn't have.  
Why would they suggest them?  
It was stupid...really really stupid.  
But still...that didn't mean Harry wasn't grateful. 

'Dear whoever comes across this first.  
If you're reading is probably because I am gone which is probably a real shame, but not really.  
I know what you're thinking; 'Why would Harry do this? He is such a little selfish prick, why would he do this to us?' and you're absolutely right...I AM selfish...and I am sorry for that.  
But I am also human, which means that I am not perfect(even though I try to pretend to be most of the time).  
I am aware of the fact that I am probably going to hell for doing this...but I couldn't take it anymore- the amount of thoughts that have crossed my mind were enough to drive me mad, so mad that they themselves were sufficient to take me straight to hell.  
I felt alone. I FEEL alone.  
I miss Zayn, I miss him so much more than you will ever be able to comprehend.  
I know that you guys wanted me to move on and start seeing other people, which I understand because I know I was being a terrible pain in the ass with all my sulking,but there's no one that can ever take Zayn's space. Not now. Not ever.

 

Mum...I am sorry, I am sorry for being a terrible excuse of a son. I feel bogus, really.  
And incredibly stupid.  
I miss you. I miss your smile. I am especially sorry for not being able to say goodbye personally.  
Say hi to Gemma, and tell her I love her.  
I love you mum, always have and always will. 

I am sorry, Louis...I am sorry for leaving you. I am sorry for being a terribly lousy best friend. I am also sorry for falling in love. I am just sorry. Please don't do anything stupid...I would eternally blame myself for it if you did. I love you...I love you so much. I love you and your stupid swearing, I love your stinky feet and your charismatic personality-please don't ever change.

 

Liam- I am just incredibly sorry to you. I am sorry to disappoint you. You are my best friend, really. Even though I never tell you...you are and I love you. Forever will. 

 

Niall, I am sorry because I can tell this will bother you. I think I'll miss you the most...especially your laugh, is contagious, I would never even think about changing it for anything in the world.  
I love you. So much. 

 

And finally Zayn.  
I am sorry I wasn't good enough to make you stay. Good enough to make you want to live. Will you wait for me wherever you are?  
Goodbye to all of you, and again I am sorry fro being a coward...well, I am sorry for being me.  
\- Sincerely, Harry.'

 

~Everytime I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise...no one compares to you but there's no you, except in my dreams tonight, I don't wanna wake up from this tonight~

2o pills and a bottle of vodka.  
Harry took a shower and got dressed with his best clothes.  
He was standing in front of the mirror brushing his hair back, like he used to do when he was going to church he also putted on his best cologne.  
Harry walked to his bed and grabbed the bottle of vodka and the pills with shaky hands.  
He took a few deep breaths before popping the bottle of pills open.  
He first swallowed 5 pills, then drank a bit of vodka. Then 5, then vodka. And so on.  
Finally the bottle of vodka was empty and the pills were gone.  
He laid down in bed and stared at the ceiling with a twisted smile on his face.  
He took a shaky breath not knowing it'd be his last and closed his eyes.  
\---  
The next morning Harry Styles suicide note was found along with his body.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it at least a bit!  
> Again, feedback would be absolutely lovely!  
> Also, thank you for everyone who read 9+1 Reasons Why. Your kudos and comments made me smile :)


End file.
